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five, fire, cinco, cinq,fünf

3.8.09

Yes, 5 days.

I had a mini breakdown about an hour ago. I cannot believe I am leaving in 5 days. I don’t know if I’m prepared– physically and emotionally. I’m tying some loose ends up and things are coming together: I have a place to stay when I get to the Bahamas, I have my Bio Bay and Safari taken care of…and that’s about it. I still have to get my transcript, books and backpack. Oh geez.

I am terrified at this point. I am excited, too. I waver between terrified/excited about every 5 minutes. This trip is so out of my realm of comfort that I have no idea how to react. I have to leave all of my anxieties in California and take this trip and run. Yesterday I went to Tracy’s baby shower and a regular Piggy customer (a German Chanel model) told me that I will get there and never look back. Everything I am worried about in the present will be a part of my past in a few short weeks (hopefully one short week). I am going on an experience of a lifetime and nothing else will matter. This is coming from a woman who up and left Germany for Paris to become a model, met her husband and randomly moved to California. I respect her advice. And she’s right. I shouldn’t worry about how my history of depression, social issues and whatnot MIGHT affect my trip. I feel like I’ve grown since then and will be able to have it under control. As long as I don’t let it overcome me, it won’t.

I can do this and it will change my life. I’ve been telling myself for years that I need to take a big step in my life to get me out of my funk and this is it. I have mentally prepared myself for this recently and I need to put what I’ve learned into action. Go me.

This felt good. I’ll be doing this more.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Lexi permalink
    3.8.09 8:59 pm

    I love you sta sta! you rock the seven seas!

    love lé

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